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Should vs. Could; Have to vs. Get to

Updated: May 28, 2022

Should VS Could

My favourite distinction.

What’s the difference?

Well try it on for size…

How does “I should go to the gym” make you feel?

I feel small, anxious and I have body sensations in my gut (or maybe that’s the perogies I “shouldn’t” have eaten)


The word should implies guilt, punishment or shame.

We are slaves to our should’s.

Could's empower. They are the language of freedom. Could creates choice.

*Insert Chocolate, Vanilla… choose Distinction here from LandmarK*

My favorite principle….

A - because that’s my first memory of one of my now best friends

B - because it is so simple and profound

Choice implies freedom; power.

Give it a try…

“I could go to the gym

Easier, isn’t it?

It makes the task an invitation, not an obligation.

The word should separates us. It is always attached to something outside of you and I. The nature of the word should is attachment and therefore manipulative and controlling. So the should is just a story, a conversation from a powerless place, more often than not, a comparison to something else.

And the could is what really exists in the space of empty and meaningless.

No attachments of any kind.



You are then responsible and there is no me + a something out there that I am obligated and attached to completing or doing or having.

What you chose is up to you.

And that’s where I take the next part of this.

Stop saying “Make me/made me

No one can make you do anything.

It’s all a choice.

How you react, what you say or do...

is all a choice.

Not a “HAVE TO”


It is a privilege and an honour to have CHOICE.

You CHOOSE how you spend your time.

Don’t have what you want in life?

It’s all a result of how you have chosen to spend your time and resources.

Not because you’re big boned or have bad genetics or weren’t born into a rich family.

It’s how you choose to use your resources.

God's word is very clear in telling us that all men are created equal and every single person is a child of god.

We are all equal... we all get the same 24 hours in a day.

And it’s what you do with that 24 hours in a day that determines who you are (hello healthy habits)

Your word creates world.

Therefore your choices create your world.

So step out of the should’s, shouldn’ts and the have to’s.

Try could and get to.

And then look at what would be possible?

What would freedom, power and full self expression make available to you?

Xo - Vela

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